Emma Champion’s 2012 Annual Oscars® Report


Greetings from Champ Towers!  Preparation for the 84th Academy Awards is well under way.  The popcorn is in the microwave, the wine is chilled, and I have a nasty cold; to use Twitter parlance – hash tag: sad face.  However, I refuse to let it get me down – this is the first time in 14 years that I’ve been unwell on Oscar® night, so I haven’t done too badly up to now, and I’m grateful for that.

This is the third year that I have reported live online throughout the Oscar® Ceremony, publishing the winners as they happen via Facebook and Twitter, plus a full transcript of the night’s events here on EmmaChampion.com.  Can’t stay up all night because you have work tomorrow?  Don’t worry – I’ll do it for you.


This year’s ceremony is being held at LA’s Hollywood and Highland Center (formerly the Kodak Theater) – home to the Oscars® since 2002.  The Red Carpet has been rolled out, and the celebrities are beginning to arrive.  So sit back, relax, and let me do all the work.  I’ll hook you up.


Highlights from the Red Carpet, 11pm-1am

Best Supporting Actress nominee, Melissa McCarthy from Bridesmaids, looking voluptuous in a bejewelled rose-pink gown – “It’s so bananas to be here,” she says; Best Actor nominee, George Clooney in Armani, and girlfriend Stacy Keibler in a gold Marchesa gown, talk to Ryan Seacrest about his character in The Descendants being “a bit of a Shlub”; Best Actress nominee Viola Davis in dark-green Vera Wang; Best Actress Nominee, Michelle Williams in coral Louis Vuitton arrives with former Dawson’s Creek cast mate, Busy Philipps, and talks about Kate Winslet praising her performance in My Week with Marilyn as being “the best compliment I’ve ever gotten in my life…I’m Kate Winslet’s fan!” Like she only has one, Michelle…; Best Actress Nominee, Rooney Mara, in white, structured Givenchy – a departure from her signature black; Best Supporting Actor Nominee, Jonah Hill, dressed all in black, walks the red carpet with his mum, Sharon; Best Actress Nominee, Octavia Spencer, looking stunning in a shimmering cream and silver Tadashi Shoji gown; Sacha Baron Cohen’s Dictator character declares “death to the West!” and spills “human” ashes all over Ryan Seacrest’s suit; Presenter, Jennifer Lopez, clocks Ryan Seacrest’s dusty suit and asks, “What happened??”  “Sacha Baron Cohen…spilled an urn on me,” he replies.  “On purpose?” she asks.  Well, duh, J-Lo; Tina Fey in black Carolina Herrera; Emma Stone, dressed in a Nicole Kidman-esque, red, Jean Batista Valli gown with an over-stated shoulder bow, talks about rumoured red carpet beverage, Milk Punch – “It’s condensed milk mixed with Bourbon and cinnamon.  You can drink it at 10 in the morning…” We’ll all be trying that one tomorrow, Emma; Presenter, Gwyneth Paltrow, in white Tom Ford with matching cape, demonstrating her knowledge of Cockney Rhyming Slang; Best Actress Nominee, Glen Close, looking stunningly age-appropriate in tailored, dark Zack Posen; Cameron Diaz looking effortless is figure-hugging, beige Gucci; a long-haired, Best Actor Nominee, Brad Pitt, looking as though he hasn’t aged a day since 1992; and Best Actress Nominee, Meryl Streep, wearing a gold, draped gown with over-stated shoulders.

And so, the 84th Annual Academy Awards are ready to get under way!  Cue the music!

Morgan Freeman takes the stage to introduce the 84th Academy Awards.

Billy Crystal has, as is traditional when he hosts, a spoof VT prepared, which incorporates all the night’s nominees for Best Film.  Justin Bieber guest stars, joking that he is there to get Billy the “18-24 demographic”.  Tom Cruise reprises his role in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.  “It’s like Tom Cruise is in the room with me!” Crystal cries, grabbing Cruise’s cheeks.

Crystal takes the stage, announcing that it is his 9th time hosting the awards.  “Nothing can take the sting out of the current economical situation than watching millionaires present each other with gold statues,” he declares.  He breaks into his traditional song and dance routine, which, as always, begins “It’s a wonderful night for Oscar, Oscar-Oscar, who will win?”  I’m getting 1998 déjà vu.

Tom Hanks arrives to present the first two awards.


The Artist

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo


The Tree of Life

War Horse


Art Direction

The Artist

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2


Midnight in Paris

War Horse

Crystal addresses the Kodak Theater’s name change by saying, “Tonight, here at the Your Name Here theatre…”

A beautiful VT follows, featuring music from Meet Joe Black by Thomas Newman, and clips from Titanic, Avatar, Ghost, The Shawshank Redemption A Few Good Men, Star Wars, E.T., and many more.

Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez present the next 2 awards.  They announce that a costume should be “Tight enough to prove you’re a woman, and loose enough to prove you’re a lady.”

Costume Design


WINNER The Artist


Jane Eyre



Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston and Matthew W. Mungle, Albert Nobbs

Nick Dudman, Amanda Knight and Lisa Tomblin, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

WINNER Mark Coulier and J. Roy Helland, The Iron Lady

Cue VT of stars talking about the first movie they ever saw.  Featuring Brad Pitt, Hilary Swank, Tom Cruise, Helen Mirren, Barbara Streisand, Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller.

Sandra Bullock presents the next award in German-accented Chinese.  Original, if nothing else.

Best Foreign Feature



In Darkness

Monsieur Lazhar

WINNER A Separation


Christian Bale presents the next award.

Supporting Actress

Berenice Bejo, The Artist

Jessica Chastain, The Help

Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids

Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs

WINNER Octavia Spencer, The Help

Black and white spoof of a modern-day film focus group, supposedly for Wizard of Oz, starring Eugene Levy, Jennifer Coolidge and Catherine O’Hara.

Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper present the next 3 awards.

Film Editing

Anne-Sophie Bion and Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist

Kevin Tent, The Descendants

WINNER Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Thelma Schoonmaker, Hugo

Christopher Tellefsen, Moneyball

Sound Editing


The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo


Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon

War Horse



Sound Mixing

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo



Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon

War Horse


Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy in the Royal Box!  Piggy’s hair is beautiful!  They are here to introduce Cirque du Soleil’s interpretation of what it’s like to go to the movies.  There is some beautiful interpretive dance, which has been notably missing from recent Oscar ceremonies.  Mesmerising.  The dancers receive a standing ovation.  “I pulled a hamstring just WATCHING that!” says Billy Crystal afterwards.  We were all thinking it, Billy.

Iron Man franchise co-stars Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downey Jr take the stage.  Downey Jr is followed by a film crew.  “I’m filming a documentary called The Presenter,” says Downey Jr.  Paltrow plays along as her autocue is disrupted to comic effect.

Documentary Feature

Hell and Back Again

If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front

Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory

WINNER Undefeated


Chris Rock arrives to present the next award, commenting on how easy it is to do a voice-over for an animated feature.  “I turn up, I say a line, and they give me a MILLION dollars,” he cries.

Best Animated Feature

A Cat in Paris

Chico & Rita

Kung Fu Panda 2

Puss in Boots


Melissa McCarthy visits Billy Crystal backstage.  How about we make this dressing room an undressing room?  She sends up her leg lift from Bridesmaids, this time lifting BOTH legs instead of one.  “Limber,” remarks Crystal.

Ben Stiller and Emma Stone take the stage.  Stone is overly excited, announcing that it is her first time presenting an award.  Ben Stiller says, “You don’t want to be the presenter who to over-do it.”  “You mean like coming on stage in full Avatar make-up?” askes Stone, pointedly.  You go, Girl.

Visual Effects

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2


Real Steel

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon


Melissa Leo arrives to present.

Supporting Actor

Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn

Jonah Hill, Moneyball

Nick Nolte, Warrior

WINNER Christopher Plummer, Beginners

Max von Sydow, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close


In his acceptance speech, Plummer says, “I would share this award with my co-star, Ewan McGregor if I had any decency, but I don’t.”

Crystal does his classic mind-reading trick, where the camera closes in on certain audience members, and Crystal narrates their thoughts.  For Brad and Angelina, he says, “This better not run too late – I have six parent-teacher conferences in the morning.”

He goes on to talk about movie music.  The orchestra play a beautiful piece, to which Crystal reacts with a “Meh.”

Penelope Cruise and Owen Wilson present next.

Music (Original Score)

John Williams, The Adventures of Tintin

WINNER Ludovic Bource, The Artist

Howard Shore, Hugo

Alberto Iglesias, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

John Williams, War Horse

Winner Ludovic Bource is a first-time nominee with no formal training in musical orchestration.  What an amazing debut.

Will Ferrell and Zack Galifianakis take the stage, clashing cymbals, claiming to be “serious” musicians.

Music (Original Song)

WINNER Bret McKenzie, “Man or Muppet” from The Muppets

Sergio Mendes, Carlinhos Brown and Siedah Garrett, “Real in Rio” from Rio

Angelina Jolie was too busy showing off her leg to read her autocue properly.  Idiot.

Best Adapted Screenplay

WINNER Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon and Jim Rash, The Descendants

John Logan, Hugo George Clooney, Beau Willimon and Grant Heslov, The Ides of March

Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin and Stan Chervin, Moneyball

Bridget O’Connor and Peter Straughan, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy


Best Original Screenplay

Michel Hazanivicius, The Artist

Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo, Bridesmaids

Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

J.C. Chandor, Margin Call

Asghar Farhadi, A Separation

Time for another VT containing reflections on film from under-dressed, mega celebs to fill time.

Milla Jojavich arrives to talk about the secondary awards show, honouring film technology, which never gets televised.  She’s crossed the line into completely useless.

The cast of Bridesmaids take the stage to present the next 3 awards.  Lots of sexual innuendo ensues.  “We’re here to break the myth that size doesn’t matter – it kinda does – but not length…”  Of course, they’re talking about short films.  Obviously.

Short Film (Live Action)



WINNER The Shore

Time Freak




Documentary Short Subject

The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movement

God Is the Bigger Elvis

Incident in New Baghdad

WINNER Saving Face

The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom

Short Film (Animated)


WINNER The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore

La Luna

A Morning Stroll

Wild Life

Michael Douglas arrives to present the next award.  He looks much better following his recent battle with cancer.

Best Director

WINNER Michel Hazanivicius, The Artist

Alexander Payne, The Descendants

Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

Terrence Malick, The Tree of Life

The legendary Meryl Streep takes the stage to talk about the Governors Awards.  We learn that James Earl Jones received an Honorary Oscar.  “If I were British, I would say I was ‘Gobsmacked’!” he says.

It’s the In Memoriam segment, where the people whom the film industry has lost over the past year are remembered.  These include Ken Russell, Whitney Houston, Elizabeth Tailor and Peter Falk.

Ugh.  Another VT.  Enough already.  Ooh, Julia RobertsEdward NortonPhillip Seymour Hoffman.  Alright.  We forgive.

Last year’s Best Actress winner, Natalie Portman, is here to present Best Actor.

Best Actor

Demian Bichir, A Better Life

George Clooney, The Descendants

WINNER Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Brad Pitt, Moneyball

“I love your country,” says Jean Dujardin in a heavy French accent as he accepts his Oscar.  It gets a laugh from the crowd.

Last year’s Best Actor Colin Firth arrives to present the next award.  He addresses each nominee, including Meryl Streep.  “Meryl.  Momma Mia.  We were in Greece.  I was gay, we danced, and we were happy.”

Best Actress

Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs

Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Viola Davis, The Help

WINNER Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn

“I could hear all of America going, ‘Oh no!  Why her?!  AGAIN!’  But, you know – whatever,” says Meryl in her acceptance speech.

Tom Cruise is here!  He’s come to present Best Picture.

Best Picture

War Horse

WINNER The Artist


The Descendants

The Tree of Life

Midnight in Paris

The Help


Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close


For some reason, this year’s ceremony seemed half-baked.  Perhaps the phrase is ‘safe’.  It was quick and painless, with no real controversy.  Either way, The Artist walks away with the biggest award of the evening.  That’s it for another year, folks!  See you all next year.  I’m off to bed.  Zzzz….


Emma Champion


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