Tonight marks my 15th Oscar® Night, so I am celebrating 15 years of staying up all night to witness the live telecast of the Academy Awards® Ceremony. This is the third Annual Oscar® Report, and its my pleasure as always to bring you the details of the evening.
And so, the great night is upon us once more – the Greatest Awards Show On Earth™: The 85th Academy Awards®! I have my bottle of Rosé chillin’, the popcorn is poppin’, and Champs is READY to bring you a play-by-play account of everything that’s about to go down at the Dolby Theatre in the Hollywood and Highland Centre (formerly The Kodak Theatre)!
I am spending my Red Carpet time with E! Channel tonight, because, lets face it, no one does Red Carpet better than Ryan Seacrest et al, right? So here we go…hold tight, Folks!
Eddie Redmayne looking dapper in a bow tie talking to Ryan Seacrest about singing live for Les Miserábles…Rebecca Chastain wearing a structured Armani Prive gown…Amy Adams wearing Oscar deLaurenta announcing that Margot Kidder is her definitive Lois Lane…Channing Tatum and a very pregnant Genna Dewan telling Seacrest that their baby is their ‘greatest production yet’… Quvenzhané Wallis describing her Oscar experience as ‘crazy’, showing off her puppy purse, and getting a personal message from Demi Lovato…Reese Witherspoon wearing Louis Vuitton dress and jewels…Octavia Spencer wearing Tadashi Shoji…Kerry Washington wearing Miu Miu…Daniel Radcliffe saying he backing Django Unchained and Argo…Chris Tucker talking about his new comedy tour…Amanda Seyfried wearing a lavender Alexander McQueen and saying she feels ‘super lucky’ and reveals that the cast of the Les Miserábles movie will be singing during the show(!)…Jennifer Lawrence wearing Dior Haute Couture and announcing that she is ‘starving’…Joseph Gordon Levitt meeting Dustin Hoffman for the first time, and revealing that Lincoln co-star Sally Field tied his bow tie in the limo…Melissa McCarthy sporting BIG hair which looks awesome, and wearing a David Meister Gown…Jennifer Hudson wearing Roberto Cavalli and revealing that it took three days of fittings…Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas looking well and fabulous, and revealing that she will be singing as well, and that he ‘gave his wife space’ to get ready…Helen Hunt wearing H&M(!) and looking as though she has had some sort of facial surgery…Christoph Waltz talking about how QT wrote the role with him in mind, and that he fell off a horse on set…Anne Hathaway looking amazing in pale pink Prada and a slightly longer hair do…Naomi Watts wearing silver Armani Prive…Charlize Theron wearing white Dior Couture and Harry Winston jewels, colliding with a nobody on the red carpet who then treads on her train…Jennifer Aniston in a red, full-skirted gown by Valentino…Bradley Cooper with his Mum…Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban saying how Keith picked the dress, which makes Nicole look like an Oscar Statue…Hugh Jackman and his wife looking so smart…Robert DeNiro looking bored and tired…Jennifer Garner wearing custom purple Gucci…Adele!! …George Clooney claiming to have sewn the sequins on his girlfriend’s dress…
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Host Seth MacFarlane opens the show with the gag: “…and the quest to make Tommy Lee Jones begins now…” to which Tommy Lee Jones responds with a chuckle.
William Shatner as Captain Kirk appears on a screen to say he has come back in time to stop Seth from ruining the Oscars®. He shows a tape from the future of the telecast, featuring a song called “We Saw Your Boobs”. Kirk shows the headlines from tomorrow, which read “Seth Macfarlane: worst Oscar host ever”.
So, in an attempt to smooth things over and change the future, he invites Charlize Theron and Channing Tatum on stage, who perform a beautiful ballroom dance (who knew Tatum had it in him!). This doesn’t change the future, so he invites Joseph Gordon Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe onstage for a song and dance performance. This doesn’t work either, so he finally does a Billy Crystal-esque parody version of “Be Our Guest” from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. This does it.
Octavia Spencer is here to present Best Supporting Actor.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Alan Arkin, Argo
Robert De Niro, Silver Linings Playbook
Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Master
Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln
Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained – WINNER!!!
Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy take to the stage to present Animated Short and Animated Feature.
BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM
Adam and Dog, Minkyu Lee
Fresh Guacamole, PES
Head over Heels, Timothy Reckart and Fodhla Cronin O’Reilly
Maggie Simpson in The Longest Daycare, David Silverman
Paperman, John Kahrs – WINNER!!!
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
Brave – WINNER!!!
Frankenweenie
ParaNorman
The Pirates!
Band of Misfits
Wreck-It Ralph
Reese Witherspoon takes to the stage to talk about three of the films nominated for Best Picture: Les Miserábles, Life of Pi, and Beasts of the Southern Wild.
Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner, and Mark Ruffalo take to the stage to rib one another, and present Best Cinematography and Best Visual Effects.
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Anna Karenina, Seamus McGarvey
Django Unchained, Robert Richardson
Life of Pi, Claudio Miranda - WINNER!!!
Lincoln, Janusz Kaminski
Skyfall, Roger Deakins
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Joe Letteri, Eric Saindon, David Clayton and R. Christopher White
Life of Pi, Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik-Jan De Boer and Donald R. Elliott - WINNER!!!
Marvel’s The Avengers, Janek Sirrs, Jeff White, Guy Williams and Dan Sudick
Prometheus, Richard Stammers, Trevor Wood, Charley Henley and Martin Hill
Snow White and the Huntsman, Cedric Nicolas-Troyan, Philip Brennan, Neil Corbould and Michael Dawson
Visual Effects acceptance speech rudely cut short by the orchestra playing John Williams’ Jaws score louder and louder, until the poor man just gave up mid sentence… uncalled for.
Channing Tatum and Jennifer Aniston present Best Costume Design and Best Make Up. Tatum makes a joke about George Clooney rolling out of bed camera ready.
BEST COSTUME DESIGN
Anna Karenina, Jacqueline Durran - WINNER!!!
Les Misérables, Paco Delgado
Lincoln, Joanna Johnston
Mirror Mirror, Eiko Ishioka
Snow White and the Huntsman, Colleen Atwood
BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING
Hitchcock, Howard Berger, Peter Montagna and Martin Samuel
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Peter Swords King, Rick Findlater and Tami Lane
Les Misérables, Lisa Westcott and Julie Dartnell – WINNER!!!
Former Bond girl Halle Berry takes to the stage to present a Tribute to 50 Years of Bond, which consists of a VT montage to music, and live performances from Shirley Bassey, which she knocks out of the park and gets a standing ovation for!!
Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx take to the stage to present Best Live Action Short and Best
BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM
Asad, Bryan Buckley and Mino Jarjoura
Buzkashi Boys, Sam French and Ariel Nasr
Curfew, Shawn Christensen - WINNER!!!
Death of a Shadow (Dood van een Schaduw), Tom Van Avermaet and Ellen De Waele
Henry, Yan England
BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT
Inocente, Sean Fine and Andrea Nix Fine - WINNER!!!
Kings Point, Sari Gilman and Jedd Wider
Mondays at Racine, Cynthia Wade and Robin Honan
Open Heart, Kief Davidson and Cori Shepherd Stern
Redemption, Jon Alpert and Matthew O’Neill
Liam Neeson talks about Best Picture nominees Argo, Lincoln and Zero Dark Thirty
Ben Affleck is here to present Best Documentary Feature.
BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
5 Broken Cameras
The Gatekeepers
How to Survive a Plague
The Invisible War
Searching for Sugar Man – WINNER!!!
MacFarlane says, “Coming up: Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway. Plus – the cast of Prometheus explains: what the hell was going on there… be right back!”
Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastain present Best Foreign Film.
BEST FOREIGN FILM
Amour, Austria - WINNER!!!
Kon-Tiki, Norway
No, Chile
A Royal Affair, Denmark
War Witch, Canada
John Travolta is here to present a tribute to Movie Musicals. So excited!!! Catherine Zeta Jones is performing All That Jazz from Chicago – wow wow wow!!! Amazing! Just as good live as in the movie – Velma Kelly is BACK.
Jennifer Hudson performs a song from Dream Girls…and finally…THE CAST OF LES MIS!!! The perform One Day More to sheer perfection.
Highlight of the night.
Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana present the Scientific and Technical Awards, which took place a month ago.
Mark Whalberg and an impressive CGI Ted take to the stage! They’re here to present Best Sound Mixing and Best Sound Editing.
BEST SOUND MIXING
Argo, John Reitz, Gregg Rudloff and Jose Antonio Garcia
Les Misérables, Andy Nelson, Mark Paterson and Simon Hayes - WINNER!!!
Life of Pi, Ron Bartlett, D.M. Hemphill and Drew Kunin
Lincoln, Andy Nelson, Gary Rydstrom and Ronald Judkins
Skyfall, Scott Millan, Greg P. Russell and Stuart Wilson
BEST SOUND EDITING
Argo, Erik Aadahl and Ethan Van der Ryn
Django Unchained, Wylie Stateman
Life of Pi, Eugene Gearty and Philip Stockton
Skyfall, Per Hallberg and Karen Baker Landers - WINNER!!!
Zero Dark Thirty, Paul N.J. Ottosson – WINNER!!!
A tie! The first I have ever witnessed in my 15 years of Oscar©!
MacFarlane stages a tribute gag dedicated to The Sound of Music. Christopher Plummer takes to the stage to present Best Supporting Actress, and tells MacFarlane to “Pick on someone your own size…”
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams, The Master
Sally Field, Lincoln
Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables - WINNER!!!
Helen Hunt, The Sessions
Jacki Weaver, Silver Linings Playbook
Harvey Weinstein caught on camera returning from the bathroom!! Lol.
Academy Museum of Motion Pictures announced to be opening in LA! Sign me up!
Sandra Bullock takes to the stage to present Best Film Editing.
BEST FILM EDITING
Argo, William Goldenberg - WINNER!!!
Life of Pi, Tim Squyres
Lincoln, Michael Kahn
Silver Linings Playbook, Jay Cassidy and Crispin Struthers
Zero Dark Thirty, Dylan Tichenor and William Goldenberg
Jennifer Lawrenceis here to introduce Adele! She nails it. So proud of our girl!
Nicole Kidman talks about Best Picture nominees Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained and Amour.
Daniel Radcliffe and Kristen Stewart are here to present Best Production Design. That’s mixing occult franchises, Guys!
BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN
Anna Karenina, Production Design: Sarah Greenwood; Set Decoration: Katie Spencer
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Production Design: Dan Hennah; Set Decoration: Ra Vincent and Simon Bright
Les Misérables, Production Design: Eve Stewart; Set Decoration: Anna Lynch-Robinson
Life of Pi, Production Design: David Gropman; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock
Lincoln, Production Design: Rick Carter; Set Decoration: Jim Erickson – WINNER!!!
Selma Hayek is here to talk about the Governor’s Awards. Zzz…
George Clooney is here to present the ‘In Memoriam’ reel showcasing those who have died this past year, the most striking of which is Director Tony Scott. The reel plays to the score from Out of Africa. This is topped off with a performance from Barbara Streisand singing The Way We Were.
Genuinely moving.
Richard Gere, Queen Latifa, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Renee Zellweger from Chicago – it’s 10 years since Chicago won Best Picture?? Is that right?? That makes CZJ’s performance earlier all the more impressive!!
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
Anna Karenina, Dario Marianelli
Argo, Alexandre Desplat
Life of Pi, Mychael Danna - WINNER!!!
Lincoln, John Williams
Skyfall, Thomas Newman
BEST ORIGINAL SONG
“Before My Time” from Chasing Ice, Music and Lyric by J. Ralph
“Everybody Needs A Best Friend” from Ted, Music by Walter Murphy; Lyric by Seth MacFarlane
“Pi’s Lullaby” from Life of Pi, Music by Mychael Danna; Lyric by Bombay Jayashri
“Skyfall” from Skyfall, Music and Lyric by Adele Adkins and Paul Epworth - WINNER!!!
“Suddenly” from Les Misérables, Music by Claude-Michel Schönberg; Lyric by Herbert Kretzmer and Alain Boublil
Charlize Theron and Dustin Hoffman are here to present Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Original Screenplay. Dustin say to Charlize, “You’re a good dancer,” referring to her performance earlier with Channing Tatum. Charlize gets bashful, but the audience cheer in agreement.
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Lucy Alibar and Benh Zeitlin, Beasts of the Southern Wild
Tony Kushner, Lincoln David Magee, Life of Pi
David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook
Chris Terrio, Argo – WINNER!!!
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola, Moonrise Kingdom
Mark Boal, Zero Dark Thirty
John Gatins, Flight
Michael Haneke, Amour
Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained – WINNER!!!
QT milks his speech by running back on stage to add to what he’s already said! That little scamp.
Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas take to the stage to present Best Director.
BEST DIRECTOR
Michael Haneke, Amour
Ang Lee, Life of Pi - WINNER!!!
David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook
Steven Spielberg, Lincoln
Benh Zeitlin, Beasts of the Southern Wild
Jean Dujardin is here in all his sexiness to present Best Actress.
BEST ACTRESS
Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook - WINNER!!!
Emmanuelle Riva, Amour
Naomi Watts, The Impossible
Quvenzhané Wallis, Beasts of the Southern Wild
Meryl Streep is here! Finally! As she approaches the mic, she says, “I’m walking ON my dress…” She’s here top present Best Actor.
BEST ACTOR
Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook
Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln - WINNER!!!
Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables
Joaquin Phoenix, The Master
Denzel Washington, Flight
Daniel Day Lewis’s speech is actually quite funny. He claims he and Meryl Streep and he swapped – that she was to play Lincoln and he was to play Margaret Thatcher. He also says, “In the 16 years that we’ve been married, my wife had lived with some very strange men…”
Jack Nicholson is here! He presents Michelle Obama live from the Whitehouse!!
BEST PICTURE
Amour
Argo - WINNER!!!
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Django Unchained
Les Miserables
Life of Pi
Lincoln
Silver Linings Playbook
Zero Dark Thirty
So there you have it – 15 years after he won his first Oscar, Ben Affleck is going home with Best Picture. And his speech was amazeballs.
A great way to bookend my 15 years. Here’s to another 15.
Love you all – see you next year. <3